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I had a lover for a short time, and I feel guilty for not renewing the conjugal relationship with his wife. I feel guilty for everything that was destroyed. How can I free myself from this guilt?


The relationship between your former lover and his wife does not concern you in any way. What happens between them has nothing to do with you. But, based on your scale of values, you tell yourself that it is not good to have a relationship with a married man. You must choose one of two things: either make sure that this does not happen again, because you feel guilty, or change your scale of values.
To change moral value, you need to change the belief behind it. Now you believe that you are guilty of the fact that two other people are experiencing. Do you really want to continue to believe in this? In addition, you blame yourself. Are you really to blame? Was your romance's goal to harm your ex-lover and his wife? Now you need to forgive yourself for acting contrary to one of your principles. Accept yourself and give yourself the right to let your desires prevail. This does not mean that you are a bad person.
Let your former lover and his wife organize their own life. Then you will have more time for your life. On the other hand, it would be interesting to find out why you were attracted by a man who was not truly free, since he had not yet completely broken off his relationship with his wife.
When we say that we are responsible for what happens to us, then this is just a different way of saying that we are reaping what we sow. Seed and harvest are our responsibility. If I decide to set up a garden and want to harvest carrots, potatoes and turnips from it, then I must sow them accordingly. If I sow something else, then, of course, I will harvest another crop. This is easy to understand when talking about physical laws, but the concept of harvest applies to other laws, and laws exist in all areas.
This is the reason why it is so important for us to see what is happening to us and to agree that in a hundred cases out of a hundred, nothing happens just like that. Some incidents take us by surprise because it seems to us that we did not provoke them and did not want to. There is still a lot of unconsciousness in us, not only in relation to our previous lives, but also in relation to our present life. For example, most people find it difficult to remember what they ate last week. Imagine everything that we changed our minds, did, said and felt from our very birth! Everything that happens in us breaks out from the inside to the outside world, and then returns to us.
This is inevitable.
The law of cause and effect is also called the boomerang law: everything that we throw back to us. It is also sometimes called the law of action and reaction: each action causes a reaction, the reaction causes the next action, and so on. The effect is an external manifestation of an internal cause. They are identical. That is why we can constantly use what is happening in the external world to realize what is happening in our inner world. Some call this law the law of karma: we reap what we sow. If I sow goodness, love, compassion, tolerance, then I will reap this. More conscious people listen to what they feel and ask themselves: “Do I like my crop?” If the answer is no, they should start to plant differently.
I will give a few examples:
• As a rule, parents want children who are able to take responsibility. But what do they sow? Instead of sowing lessons of responsibility, they decide everything for themselves.
• And what about a spouse who wants her husband to do housework while spending her time complaining that he is not doing anything? Constantly paying attention to what he does not, she is likely to achieve that he will do it less and less.
• Now look at a person complaining about a lack of love. If he misses her, then why doesn't he sow her? He should only offer it without expectation to all those around him, and he will reap it.
• People who seek to live in abundance and are always worried about money, fearing that they will not have enough, express their thoughts about their shortage, and this is what they are reaping.
• A person who wants to be accepted by others, but constantly criticizing everything, does not sow what he wants to shake.
• A father who beats his son for beating his neighbor’s child will reap only the violence that comes from his son.
These examples illustrate situations very common in our everyday life. Thus, we should realize and visualize how we are reaping incidents, accidents and other people's reactions to our actions. This responsibility is in the hands of each of us. Everyone can say to himself: "I am responsible for what I sow, and I just have to wait for the harvest." Most people complain about their poor harvest and think that external factors are to blame. They criticize and condemn others; they resent the outside world. Such an attitude is contrary to wisdom and harmony.
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I had a lover for a short time, and I feel guilty for not renewing the conjugal relationship with his wife. I feel guilty for everything that was destroyed. How can I free myself from this guilt?

  1. When I go out alone or with my girlfriend, my husband always condemns me or pouts me. Sometimes I go out for a walk, and sometimes not. One way or another, I feel out of place. If I go out for a walk, I feel guilty. If I don’t go out for a walk, I feel miserable. I know that I succumb to guilt, but I can not help myself. What do i do?
    It is clear that your husband only openly expresses what is already happening in you. He is part of you, which says that a good wife should not go out without her spouse. However, there is another part of you that sometimes wants to go out with someone else. Apparently, the first part is stronger and more often wins. Make contact with these two parts in you and ask them to agree and
  2. How can I behave with a person who seeks to undermine my faith in myself and make me feel guilty for decisions that are difficult for him to take responsibility for?
    The consequences of his decisions seem difficult to him, and he would like to blame me for them, as well as for everything that follows them and causes him concern. Example: a divorce initiated by him. From your question, I conclude that this gentleman decided on a divorce, but then it was difficult for him to come to terms with his own decision. It’s hard for him to take on
  3. How to help my children, my ex-husband and his girlfriend feel at ease at our meetings during the holidays, birthdays, etc.? I feel very at ease with his girlfriend, but as soon as we find ourselves all together, I feel awkward.
    Have you asked your ex-spouse and your children if your feelings are true? If they say yes, if they really feel uncomfortable, do they want you to help them? I feel in you a woman who shoulders responsibility for the happiness of others. Have you made a commitment to ensure that they always feel
  4. I often feel guilty for being so happy with my spouse, while my parents have never been happy together.
    I feel obligated to help my mother, giving her useful advice and paying attention to her. Why can't I be happy without feeling guilty? What you are experiencing is very common. Many children feel guilty for having surpassed their parents in some area. When parents are unhappy, it often happens that they cling to their children. It is possible that
  5. As a mother, I feel responsible for feeding the children well, because I believe that they are still too small to take care of their own health. I have three children aged four to nine years. Do not you think that this responsibility lies with me?
    You are not directly responsible for the health of your children. As a mother, you should be responsible for the consequences of giving birth to children - that is, to monitor their material needs, to help them learn, to transfer their knowledge to them, to give them love, and all this to the extent that you can do. On the other hand, you cannot know in advance what the results will be. You can cook the most
  6. I find myself having a relationship with my son, in many ways similar to marital relations.
    Such a relationship began to take shape when the son was very young. He is now fourteen years old, and I would like to know how to talk to him about it, because he still does not understand much. There is a chill in our relationship when we get together: a spouse, a son and me. Can a husband guess what is happening between me and my son? Can he suffer in
  7. What happens to a person if he is guilty, but does not realize himself in this report and does not consider himself guilty? Will he be punished? Will he reap what he sowed?
    Laws apply to everyone regardless of whether we believe in them or not. For example, if someone passes a red light and tells the policeman that he is not aware of the law or that he does not believe in him, this dzhigit will still get a fine. The situation is exactly the same with spiritual laws - the law of karma or the law of cause and effect. If a person knows that he is breaking the law, and yet consciously
  8. Currently, I have a friend whom we have been dating for a year, and I am ready to make a commitment to maintain relations with him on a long-term basis. But he says that he’s not ready, that he’s afraid to make a commitment.
    You say that we reap what we sow. Why is this happening to me, because I am the type of woman who easily makes a commitment? Moreover, this is not the first time this has happened to me. And it was difficult for other people to make a commitment to me. You must ask yourself the following question: what makes me want so much to make a commitment? Maybe you are this
  9. How should one behave with a sick person who uses his illness in order to provoke self-love? I feel helpless because I want to help this man, but he does not believe in anything.
    The previous answer extends to this question. Why does a person often feel the need to help others without thinking that this can harm another? A person who decides to help someone without thinking about what he can do is only think about himself. He needs someone’s positive result to feel his own worth. Therefore he
  10. How can I free myself from responsibility for my dear person who suffers in my soul? How can I get rid of deep sadness?
    If the sight of a suffering, dear person fills you with sorrow, then this is because this situation awakens something in you that has been hidden for a long time and which you tried to avoid. It would be important for you to conduct an internal study to better determine the nature of this sadness. What makes you so sad? It’s no coincidence that we choose certain people who
  11. How to make it clear to my spouse that I am suffocating from his possessive feelings towards me? How to do this without hurting his pride?
    The first thing that catches your eye in your question: you want the spouse to understand something. You, no doubt, have a false idea that "to understand is to love." You believe that if you manage to carefully let him know that you are suffocating, he will love you more. You are deeply mistaken. And little here depends on what tactics you choose. You don't have to
  12. I am a responsible person, and I believe that on my shoulders is too heavy a burden. What to do in order not to feel guilty when I can not cope with all the tasks?
    Is the burden you feel a consequence of the fact that you have made too many commitments? Have you committed to yourself or to another person? Perhaps you feel responsible for the happiness of others? If the latter assumption is most likely, then in this book you will find a true definition of responsibility. If you took on too much
  13. How can you say that everything that happens to us is caused by an internal cause? I stopped at a red light, and at that time another car hit me from behind. How can I be the cause of this?
    Currently, due to our great lack of awareness, it is very difficult to know exactly the internal cause of each accident (or consequence) in our outer world. Take an example of your accident. Even if your awareness is not enough to remember what you were thinking about at the time of the accident, or to understand the cause of the accident. I suggest you start your own investigation, starting from
  14. When I, the mother of the family, allow the children to take responsibility, I have the feeling that I am an indifferent mother who does not give a damn about her children. I'm afraid that they will also judge me when they grow up. What is the reason for this fear?
    First of all, ask your children to give you their definition of indifference. Here is my definition: an indifferent person is a person who does not care about anything, who does not feel anything and who is not touched by others. Do you really consider yourself an indifferent mother? Do you really believe that? Teaching your children to take responsibility is the best gift you can give them.
  15. How not to feel guilty if the husband constantly shifts his responsibility to me?
    First of all, your spouse cannot pass on his responsibility to you. You are probably talking about his obligations. Secondly, have you already reached an agreement and clearly defined obligations at this level? Who and what is decided to do? Your spouse should always be responsible for the consequences of their actions. If he does not want to do anything, it would be nice to verify that
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