home
about the project
Medical news
For authors
Licensed books on medicine
<< Previous Next >>

I am an unmarried woman and live alone. My elderly parents often get sick. My mother calls me selfish when I refuse to come to her as soon as she needs help. Am I responsible for my parents? Do I always have to help them?


Your heart knows the answer to this question, but your mind disputes it. No child is responsible for the happiness or well-being of their parents. However, a certain part of you believes that you are responsible for them, and it is quite possible that you yourself consider yourself selfish. You are undoubtedly influenced by your parents, who believe that a good, appreciative daughter is obligated to help her parents - especially if this daughter lives alone and she does not have a family to whom she should be engaged.
A selfish person is a person who seeks to please himself at the expense of others, who takes or wants to take from someone else.
When you refuse your mother’s request, you don’t take anything from her; on the contrary, you are only asserting yourself and denying something. Rather, your parents display selfish behavior because they want to take your time and your presence.
However, it is important to remember that parents and children exist in our lives in order to enable us to make gifts. This is a wonderful moment for us to open in abundance. A gift is considered true when it requires some effort from us.
If you provide assistance only when it suits you, then in return it will give you not much. When you make a real gift, it returns to you a hundredfold. However, believing in this law of return, do not try to control it. That is, know that everything will return to you, but “when”, “how” and “through whom” should be left to the cares of the universe.
I advise you to have a good talk with your parents and express to them what you feel. Say that you want to do them a service with joy, from the bottom of your heart, but that you would rather refuse them than do it against your will. Give yourself the right to feel disappointed and upset, to feel that your trust is being abused. Know, however, that these emotions come from you. When your parents call you selfish, they only express what they have learned and what they think. They want to help their child not be selfish. They do not wish you harm. Check together the meaning of the word “egoist”. This will undoubtedly help improve your relationship. They have the right to apply to you with their requests, and you have the right to refuse.
<< Previous Next >>
= Skip to textbook content =

I am an unmarried woman and live alone. My elderly parents often get sick. My mother calls me selfish when I refuse to come to her as soon as she needs help. Am I responsible for my parents? Do I always have to help them?

  1. When I, the mother of the family, allow the children to take responsibility, I get the feeling that I am an indifferent mother who does not give a damn about her children. I am afraid that they will also judge me when they grow up. What is the reason for this fear?
    First of all, ask your children to give you their definition of indifference. Here is my definition: an indifferent person is a person who does not care about anything, who does not feel anything and who is not touched by others. Do you really consider yourself an indifferent mother? Do you really believe that? Teaching your children to take responsibility is the best gift you can give them.
  2. It’s hard for me to accept the idea that we choose our parents. I read about this in your first book and I must admit to you that I still can’t understand this. I am an adopted child and I always want to see my real mother. Why did I choose a mother who decided to leave me?
    To learn to love despite being abandoned. Since we always reap what we sow, an abandoned child is usually a soul who somehow abandoned her child in her previous life. Apparently, this is your case. Forgiving your biological mother that she left you, you automatically forgive yourself. To do this, you need an open heart, a lot
  3. My wife goes to work. She never loved doing household chores, I know that and always knew that. I also go to work. Since we got married, maintaining order in the house constantly falls on me. It starts to bother me. We both go to work, and how can I explain to her that for the maintenance of cleanliness in the house she bears the same responsibility as I do?
    Did you make a clear commitment before deciding to live together? Maybe you made a commitment to do household chores by telling her, for example: “No problem. Will I do this? And now you are responsible for the consequences of your decision. However, if at present it has become too difficult for you, you must tell your spouse about it. Ask her
  4. For more than a year now, my mother has been lying in a psychiatric institute waiting for placement in a medical institution. Since I am the only person through whom she communicates with the outside world, I feel obligated to take care of her. Apart from the trust that she gives me, what gift can I get from this situation? Our relations have never been close, practically they simply do not exist.
    As for the gift, a hint about it is contained in your question. This is an ideal case to get close to your mother. However, how do you experience a sense of obligation towards her? Do you care for her from a pure heart? Would you feel guilty if you didn’t? No child owes his parents and vice versa. However, bonds between parents and children provide
  5. When I go out alone or with my girlfriend, my husband always condemns me or pouts me. Sometimes I go out for a walk, and sometimes not. One way or another, I feel out of place. If I go out for a walk, I feel guilty. If I don’t go out for a walk, then I feel miserable. I know that I succumb to guilt, but I can not help myself. What do i do?
    It is clear that your husband only openly expresses what is already happening in you. He is part of you, which says that a good wife should not go out without her spouse. However, there is another part of you that sometimes wants to go out with someone else. Apparently, the first part is stronger and more often wins. Make contact with these two parts in you and ask them to agree and
  6. As a mother, I feel responsible for feeding the children well, because I believe that they are still too small to take care of their own health. I have three children aged four to nine years. Do not you think that this responsibility lies with me?
    You are not directly responsible for the health of your children. As a mother, you must be responsible for the consequences of giving birth to children - that is, to monitor their material needs, to help them learn, to transfer their knowledge to them, to give them love, and all this to the extent that you can do. On the other hand, you cannot know in advance what the results will be. You can cook the most
  7. I have a very bossy husband. He always knows everything and is always right in everything. Advise how to communicate with such a person.
    First, does your husband want to chat? When you talk to him, is it really a dialogue, or perhaps your monologue, which you pronounce with the aim of changing or blaming your husband? If you are spouses, this does not mean that you should automatically have a mutual desire to talk about the same thing at the same time. Most often, one of the spouses wants to talk, and the other -
  8. When someone turns to us for help, how to provide it and not feel responsible for the results?
    I see that you do not want to feel responsible for the results obtained by another person, and this is very good. Half of your problem has already been resolved. True love lies in the desire to help, guide, advise others without any expectations, that is, without feeling responsible for the results. No one can control the entire sequence of steps leading to a certain
  9. I live alone. Very often I get up at night to eat a piece of cake with a glass of milk. I don’t understand why at the same time I tiptoe and try not to make noise. Maybe because I feel guilty?
    You have already answered your question. Sure, you consider yourself very guilty. This guilt is so deep in you that, contrary to your will, it affects your behavior. It probably seems strange to you that you behave as if you are living with other people. Who were you afraid when you were a kid? Who told you that you shouldn’t do this or say it, and who told you that you
  10. How does the child react to parental behavior?
    The preference that the son gives to the mother and the daughter to the father has been the subject of a number of studies. This question is complex because the mother is usually affectionate, and the father is more severe, the mother is indulgent, and the father is firm; in addition, the mother feeds both sons and daughters in the early years of their lives, and often later. To clearly understand the true feelings of the child towards his parents, one must be very insightful
  11. In my family I do everything: home, food, children, their education, their education. I don’t understand why only I should deal with all this. My husband says that when a woman does everything, it’s in the order of things. But he is also responsible for this, right?
    It depends on the obligations that you together made before the birth of the children. Have you discussed the consequences of having children in your family? Who wanted them? Suppose you really wanted to have children, but your husband told you: “I do not want to have children, but if this is so important to you, then okay. You can have children, I do not mind, because you will deal with them. " If between you has been reached
  12. I am one of those people who are always afraid to offend others. I agree too quickly when someone turns to me for help. Then I regret it and don’t know how to get out of this situation.
    You very quickly agree, for, as a generous person, you would like to help everyone. But, on the other hand, you understand that you often go beyond your limits. In helping others, you forget about yourself. You should learn to be free from your obligations. It’s good when you can make a commitment when you are able to make promises, but it’s also very important to be able to get rid of your
  13. How should I respond to spouse's unflattering remarks about my parents?
    His dislike of my parents is most often the cause of our quarrels; and we are arguing over money! The husband knows well your great affection for your parents and, when he wants to get something from you, uses this “painful technique”. He knows your reaction in advance. When someone does everything possible to make us respond, it means that he is crying out for help. Your spouse
  14. I often feel guilty for being so happy with my spouse, while my parents have never been happy together.
    I feel obligated to help my mother, giving her useful advice and paying attention to her. Why can't I be happy without feeling guilty? What you are experiencing is very common. Many children feel guilty for having surpassed their parents in some area. When parents are unhappy, it often happens that they cling to their children. It is possible that
  15. How to establish a relationship with a spouse who takes away a lot of my energy because she needs it?
    He exhausts me daily, and my life becomes unbearable. Let me assure you that no one has the right to take energy from you. Something is happening inside you, and you yourself are losing it. If you are constantly lacking energy, this is because you too want to change others. You must constantly criticize everything in your soul, and perhaps you do it out loud. To this criticism you
Medical portal "MedguideBook" © 2014-2019
info@medicine-guidebook.com