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Mother + baby. Communication skills in pairs.
Communication of the child of the first few years of life with the outside world is to communicate in pairs, namely, in communication with the mother. Skills obtained at this age are the basis for further personality formation. A child is born with a very specific set of needs, and expects from her mother that she knows about it. Mom is for the child "the center of the whole universe" and the main source of incentives for the development of the whole organism. The most basic way to communicate with a mother is breast sucking. Mom teaches her child certain forms of communication throughout the whole period of breastfeeding. Mom should monitor and guide the behavior of the baby at the breast, and the baby genetically expects the mother to know exactly how to do it. What gives the baby breastfeeding? Of course, food and drink, a source of vitamins, minerals, and vitality. But this is not only an "act of saturation." Breast sucking is a peculiar way of communicating with the mother, the first experience of communication in a couple of "man-man", communication with the closest and dearest person (and for the newborn child so far the only familiar). Can a newborn baby suck breast? No. He can suck fingers, loop the umbilical cord, and he never sucked his chest before. Mom should teach him this. Probably, this is possible only if the mother herself owns certain skills of applying the baby to the breast and is guided by them, or her and the child is taught by another, more experienced mother. After learning to apply, the mother must monitor the behavior of the child under the breast. Mom needs to show the child the limits of his ability to handle the breasts. Breast sucking is only permissible in the proper application. Any attempts to slip, bite the nipple or delay his mother should not encourage, and all the more so should not suffer pain when sucking. Most children begin to twist their heads with their breasts in their mouths, curl up, and crawl over to the nipple, causing trouble for their mother and themselves. Having no previous experience of breast sucking, the child does not know what kind of behavior is required of him, this should be taught by his mother. When the child makes attempts to rotate the head with the chest in the mouth, then the head must be held, overcoming the resistance: opened his mouth and released his chest - released his head, holds his chest - we hold his head. This model is fixed in the memory of the child, as the only correct one. If the pain remains during sucking, or the nipple is injured, then the child sucks wrong, and Mom needs to retrain it. There is very often a painless wrong sucking, it's bad that my mom sooner or later faces a problem, and does not know its cause. If the baby pulls his chest out of his mouth with his handle, you can either wrap his arms around him, or take his pen in his and touch his fingers and palm, giving additional incentives for the development of fine motor skills. What does "feeding on demand" mean? It is applying the baby to the chest, with any signs of anxiety and without any time restrictions. What does this give the child? A sense of security, a feeling of absolute security and comfort, so necessary for a child who had recently left the intrauterine world, where he was fully provided for everything. For full communication with the mother, the child has an inborn need for frequent breast sucking, about 12-20 or more applications per day. If the mother does not know about this baby's need and follows the widespread recommendations to feed him in 2-3 hours, and in the intervals gives him a pacifier and water and does not feed at night, the child's expectations do not have a response. Wordless kid sooner or later is forced to submit to the actions of the mother, it's only a matter of time: after all, the mother must know exactly what is right for him! Mom should know that feeding on demand implies mutual requirements, i.e. requirements of both parties. If mum needs to be applied, for example, when the chest is full or the mother needs to leave the house, and the baby is asleep, she has every right to apply it at her request. Babies who are fed on demand, corresponding to innate expectations, usually have nothing against the demands of the mother (unlike children fed on the regime and sucking dummy). Mom should not create special conditions for feeding, for example, always go into another room, turn off the light, feed only in one pose, etc. Often mothers are given advice when feeding on anything not to be distracted, and to focus on the child. For a newborn baby this can be relevant, and for a child older such feeding should not prevail. The baby learns to adjust to the requirements and comforts of the mother - in choosing a position, a comfortable mother for feeding; a place convenient for mother for feeding; breast, which is now necessary for feeding. A mother should not follow the requirements of her newborn at choice of a breast. Very tiny, he does not know what kind of breasts he needs right now, this is decided by his mother. After all, she knows for sure that if you frequently change your breast, the baby will not receive a back portion of milk, rich in fats and immunoglobulins. The child is only adjusted to the requirements of his mother. Of course, his demands also do not go unheeded. If he wants to suck while rocking, Mom will take him in his arms, give his chest and shake, singing a lullaby; the kid will feel that everything is all right with the world. Until the child grows up and does not move independently, the mother should not limit the duration of breast sucking. Being absolutely dependent on the mother, from any discomfort the baby gets rid of sucking. It is not desirable to use a dummy, it destroys the relationship in the "mother + baby" pair, limiting the opportunities for communication between the mother and the child, and forming the experience of communication and tranquility with the artificial object (mother substitute). The only situation when it is possible to give the baby a pacifier if mothers there is no house, and he burst into tears, and a dummy, perhaps, will calm him down. Of course, the mother of a 2-3 month old child is better not to leave for a long time. As you grow older, the need for prolonged attachments decreases. Minute applications are kept during wakefulness, full-fledged feeding around the dreams and night feeding. The baby grows and changes, expecting that mom will show him the behavior pattern that he should follow. Growing up, the child shows great interest in the world around him, sometimes forgetting to kiss his chest. The requirements of the mother end in a 2-3-second sucking (complete failure - never), and the main feedings are shifted to night and dusk time and before daytime dreams. Mom, knowing about this age-specific features of the child, pays more time for household chores. But still, without the experience of being without a mother for a long time, the baby is already "signaling" to her, and she takes it in her arms, where he can observe the actions of his mother and gain experience.
Gradually, the ability to wait for a child grows with him. If the mother is very busy, the baby can wait a little while for her mother to free herself and go to him. After starting to get acquainted with the new food of a six-month-old baby, the mother gradually gets the opportunity to leave the house without a child for several hours, leaving him with someone to whom the baby trusts. He learns to fall asleep on daytime sleep without breast, without a mother. This experience is necessary for him to understand that the world is multifaceted - there is a mother with a tit, there is a father without titi; there is Mom's milk, and there are many other "goodies". Little by little, the nursing mother is included in the life of the society, she can go to work, after a year and for a full day, preserving evening, night and fatigue feeding. If the mother sleeps with the baby, and knows how to feed lying in a comfortable position, problems with night sucking, as a rule, does not arise. The child can sometimes have periods of very active night sucking, usually a reaction to external sources that are beyond our control: full moon, change in atmospheric pressure, and actively growing teeth. A child older than a year can sometimes give the breast not immediately, and offer instead of a breast something in return - other interesting activities or other "something tasty." This is permissible and justified only if the mother is currently busy, and the baby asks for a breast "with nothing to do". The reasons for such a refusal should be clear to the child - my mother is busy "here this thing". You can also refuse to attach, for example, in a public place. However, if a child is crying, frightened, offended, hit or sleepy, and expects help from mom in the form of applying to her breast, she should not deny it or distract him with some kind of toy! Often the baby uses the case for sucking, when the mother sits at the TV set or at the telephone ... As a result, the same 12 or more applications are obtained per day, of which 4-6 full-fledged feedings and 8-12 short-term attachments for various reasons. Of course, mom should not consider applying. She must know and feel the needs of her child and meet them in a timely manner, introducing some reasonable restrictions as the child grows up. If the mother says that a child has 1-2 attachments per day, then there is no feeding on demand here. But there is a large amount of introduced complementary foods and restrictions in sucking, which the baby took, as correct. Such a child will search for options for communicating with another subject - with a pacifier, with his finger, or fall asleep in an embrace with a teddy bear, and he is completely alone: how his mother taught ... Gradually forming attachments of the child to a pacifier and a soft toy, the mother tends to consider, rather , as a naive childish fad, and not as a sign of lack of attention to the baby, who is forced to stick to an inanimate object, replacing him with his mother. If the mother decides to correct the situation and establish a natural process, she can do it, correcting the mistakes made and applying the baby to her breast at her request. There is also a reverse, no less common situation: my mother has no one to leave her one and a half year old baby, and she is with him all day. Baby, genetically waiting for the mother to leave home, sucks "for the future, as long as they give", it can be very difficult to distract from the chest. Mom gets tired of frequent sucking and that does not understand the behavior of her child ... Therefore, if the mother works, or she has helpers and the opportunity to leave the baby with them, then in the couple "mother + baby" misunderstandings almost never arise. Mom should not offer breast at those moments when he wants to distract the baby from some occupation, from her point of view, not suitable at the moment. The child should be switched not to breastfeeding, but to another activity. Rarely do moms do this. give the breast easier than finding a baby alternative. As a result, it turns out that my mother very often gives the breast in those situations when you just need to change the child's undesirable behavior, and sometimes you have to change the unwanted behavior of a child 10 times a day, if not 20 ... A child who can walk, run, crawl by his mother, can "Suck" in the most incredible poses. And here the mother should supervise the child's behavior and focus on her personal feelings and comforts. If this posture is not very comfortable for her, she can change it. If the mother is unhappy with "free-chested games" - twisting and pinching the nipple, she can forbid the child to do this, switching the baby to a fold of clothes or something else (her fingers, beads for feeding, etc.). It is impossible to postpone the restriction in such a question "for later". "I'll think about it tomorrow" does not fit here at all! The baby begins to advance their demands for a change of breast. In one "sunset" he can change his chest several times, applying to each for half a minute. This behavior is typical for the breastfish, which has become a taste of sucking, and has fully mastered the skills of breastfeeding. The child should not take the breast from his mother's clothes. He can show that he needs it. The mother should get the breast, because if the child is allowed to do this, in a situation in which it is not convenient, it will not be forbidden to prohibit without scandal, this is on the one hand. And on the other hand, it's my mother's thing and she must dispose of it. In addition, the mother of a child older than a year can sometimes limit the time of breast sucking. When the baby falls asleep, plenty of puffing, and just holding the chest in your mouth, you can try to pick it up gently by inserting your little finger into the corner of the baby's mouth. Perhaps this will be successful not always and not immediately. At mums of babies at the end of the second, on the third (on the fourth) year of feeding it turns out almost always. You can also limit the time of sucking and waking the child. At this age, the duration of breastfeeding is more symbolic. It is not necessary to always wait until the child releases his chest. After 2-2,5 (sometimes after 3 years) there are only night feeding, and in the daytime the baby does not really need attachments anymore. By organizing this way her relationship with the baby baby, the nursing mother and her baby will get maximum positive emotions from breastfeeding, and will not have difficulties in communicating with each other in the future. Controlling the behavior of the child at the breast is one of the main elements of maternal behavior. If the mother knows about this, teaches the child and acts correctly, the baby gradually develops confidence that he is absolutely protected and everything in life will be fine. The idea of Lilia Kazakova Prulova Galina breastfeeding consultant
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