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Lesson 12. Tolerance, Intolerance, and Uncertainty

Purpose: comparison of the concepts of tolerance, uncertainty and intolerance (aggressiveness).

The host tells the group about signs of insecure, intolerant (aggressive) and tolerant behavior, using the following points:

Signs of uncertain behavior (“I am bad, you are good”):

- a person is unable to defend his position;

- cannot refuse;

- keeps at a great distance from the interlocutor;

- cannot ask;

- it is difficult for a person to convince the interlocutor, citing his arguments;

- in case of refusal, a person does not attempt to achieve his goal.

Signs of intolerant (aggressive) behavior (“I am good, you are bad”):

- a person does not support his position with arguments;

- puts pressure on the interlocutor ("You must ..."; "I really need ..."; "Only you can help me ...");

- after refusal stubbornly tries to achieve his;

- may ask and refuse;

- likes to praise himself;

- during communication reduces the distance between themselves and the interlocutor.

Signs of tolerant behavior (“I am good, you are good”):

- a person uses self-statements;

- speaks directly and openly;

- knows how to ask and refuse;

- knows how to accept failure;

- inclined to compromises, offers them himself;

- applies empathic listening.

Exercise 1

Participants are united in microgroups of three people. Each three thinks up or recalls situations where participants behave tolerantly or intolerantly. After discussion in groups, situations are played out. The remaining participants give feedback: is, in their opinion, constructive way out of this situation? If the situation is not resolved, a way out is sought together, then the situation is again played out and the group gives feedback to its actors.

Feedback is a message addressed to another person about what we think about him, what feelings his words, actions, actions cause. This is not only criticism.

Feedback allows the recipient:

? to study alternative ways of behavior;

? to hear the opinions of others about the strengths of their personality and their weaknesses and weaknesses;

? check whether a person’s perception of himself coincides with the perception of others.

It should be noted that group members should not require others to change, impose their opinions, attitudes or beliefs. Competent, constructive feedback provides people with new information about themselves. If they want, they can take note of it and continue to act in accordance with it. It is necessary:

? give feedback only when you are asked about it;

? Do not give advice and do not evaluate;

? speak so as not to offend or offend a person.

Group members must understand that the other person needs to leave freedom of choice: everyone has the right to accept or reject feedback, evaluate their own behavior and protect their values.

Exercise 2

The facilitator reminds the group that tolerant behavior is determined by knowledge of the following personal rights of each person:

? independently judge their behavior, thoughts, emotions and take responsibility for their consequences;

? make mistakes and answer for them;

? not depend on how other people relate to him;

? ignore the advice of others and follow their own beliefs;

? to be alone, even if others want to be in his company;

? change their decisions or choose a different course of action.

When declaring their personal rights, one must remember: all other people have them.

You need to learn to respect the personal rights of others just as you want yours to be respected.

There are three ways to assert your rights.

The first method allows you to defend the rights in the process of communicating with strangers, when these rights are violated and the other side does not hear objections.
It is necessary to repeat your demand again, without raising your voice, without anger and irritation.

The second method involves demonstrating agreement with the information contained in the words of the attacking person, since his opinion may be fair in a certain situation or for a certain group of people. The key expression here is: "Perhaps this is so ..." Sometimes, if a person is not ready to discuss this issue, it is better to say: "Now I am not ready to talk about it, let's discuss it later."

The third way: if a person really made a mistake and is criticized, you can use this key expression: "Yes, I really did bad."

Participants come together in microgroups of three people: one will be a critic, the other will defend his rights, and the third will observe and give feedback. Everyone should be in all three roles. It is proposed to recall or come up with a situation:

1) when your rights were violated;

2) when you were criticized and part of the criticism was justified, and part - not;

3) when you were really wrong.

Exercise 3

The facilitator informs the group members: “Probably, during our classes you had questions that you would like to ask each other. You can formulate and write down questions on a piece of paper, addressing them specifically to the presenter, to everyone, or to another participant. ” The leader reads out each of the questions, those to whom they are addressed answer them.
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Lesson 12. Tolerance, Intolerance, and Uncertainty

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