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HOW TO PASS THIN THIN PSYCHOLOGIST
Learning to mislead people about their knowledge of psychology is quite simple. However, this is unlikely to make you a psychologist. Therefore, we will leave the details for later. In practice, psychology is not a collection of drops of understanding from the fountain of knowledge, but the plugging of holes in a leaking dam to contain an avalanche of ignorance. You need to learn how to give the last for the first.
Create an atmosphere
First of all, manners. Psychologists know how to create a courageous atmosphere of indifference, self-sacrifice and distraction, all of which together puzzles the interlocutor. The attitude is generally characterized by the phrase: “I forgot about your birthday because I was completely lost in thought about promoting science and / or helping people.”
A promising psychologist needs the appearance of social skills, which will be aimed only at returning the topic of conversation to a limited space of one's own competence.
When the victim appears in sight, he takes out a secret weapon - confused explanations. For example: “Your cat gives the impression of being very smart. Tell us how he reacts to the movement of objects in the field of peripheral vision? Ah, you do not know? Then, let me explain a little example ... "
Get impressive visuals
The second condition for creating the image of a psychologist is props. In many offices of psychologists you can find the “head of phrenology” - an ivory-colored model of the head of an asexual humanoid creature with character traits indicated on different parts of the skull, as on a map. It is likely that the head was bought as a gift on the occasion of graduation from an overly impressionable mother of a beginning psychologist. Naturally, any self-respecting psychologist understands that the dummy does not carry any valuable information, that is, it is absolutely useless. However, the thrill of the discoveries of the Victorian period gives this rarity a certain charm. Serious psychologists often take a different path, hanging a poster with a satin of the brain on the wall. This also impresses visitors, but for a psychologist it is also useless.
The finishing touch is a high-quality film that gently pokes fun at psychology. It helps to understand that psychologists do not take their work seriously (no, of course, they perceive it). In the "real world" outside the laboratory or office, psychologists do not resort to the impressive props of other professions, such as white coats or wigs. Therefore, the best defense would be to grow a beard and speak with an Austrian accent, which so far looks unusual and will have the same effect as wearing a bright golden badge with the inscription "I am a psychologist."
Fend off tricky questions
The third problem is relations with non-psychologists, or “normal” people, as psychologists like to call them. At informal events, an ordinary psychologist meets with many undoubtedly reasonable people who, when faced with him, lose their ability to think logically, so you have to endow them with what is called emergency powers.
“Can you tell me what I'm thinking?” - the most common reaction. In fact, you can answer yes or no. “No” is true, not only because reading thoughts is impossible, but because many psychologists interpret mediocre signals very mediocre.
Why should they study theories of human behavior when others are given this by nature? “Yes” is a lie of pure water, but it leads to a much more interesting conversation.
When talking with the “normal”, to know that in psychology is a lie is often as important as knowing what is an established fact. One of the common myths that a novice psychologist should throw out of his head without any hesitation is the myth that people use only 10% of the brain. This myth (originated in America in the 1930s with the development of commercial mental health improvement courses) is a lie, although perhaps this is true for some psychologists.
Sometimes people who are not psychologists expect that the psychologist who is among them knows something interesting about the features of the human mind, and therefore try to find out. Questions can be very different - those that are difficult to answer, which have no answer and are simply idiotic. For example, “How do we learn to speak?”, “What is happiness?” and “Why does a sandwich always fall butter down?” Here are some helpful answers developed by psychologists along with their true meaning.
There are many explanations, but not one meets all the criteria.
The only psychological explanation I know is too much like common sense.
These are an empirical question.
No one bothered to check it.
This is a semantic nuance.
I can’t imagine what you mean.
Interestingly, how would you explain this?
My mind clouded for a second.
This is not within my competence.
Like 99% of psychology.
And only one common question is guaranteed to perplex any psychologist: what prompted you to become a psychologist? Here is an insidious person trying to hit a psychologist with his own weapons. But you, a cunning sneak, prepared an evasive answer in advance (for example, “At that moment it seemed to me that this was a much more important task than the work of an accountant”). This reduces the risk of being involved in a painful self-disclosure process.
At heart, most psychologists believe that the motivation for studying psychology was the fascination and dedication of this area of science, but, to everyone’s disappointment, they were driven by exorbitant vanity and an acute need for power and success. In public, they mourn those happy days when they needed only a pen, paper, a false mustache and a handful of gullible students to study psychology, while today science is promoted by money, computer technology and brain scanners the size of a small shed. But there is a real world, and a grant of $ 10 thousand for the study "The role of the frontal lobes in the ability to roam the Web."
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HOW TO PASS THIN THIN PSYCHOLOGIST
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