Licensed books on medicine
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I lost weight not in vain
Readers of this book may have a completely logical question: “You, Ksenia Borodina, became a caring mother and exemplary wife, lost weight and began to look great. So why family life did not work out? It turns out that all your efforts were in vain? ”I would like to give a detailed answer to this question.
Indeed, I recently divorced my husband. We really failed to save the family. But my work on myself was not in vain. My husband and I decided to leave, because they did not fit each other. In the seemingly beaten explanation, suitable for all times and for all unhappy marriages - “they didn’t get along with the characters” - in fact there is true truth.
When a man achieves the attention of a woman, he tries to please her, pamper her. His main task is to get a woman next to him. Here he achieved this goal. And instead of continuing to carry her in her arms, she lowers her self-esteem, suggesting to her that no one except him needs her at all. Not a trace remains from yesterday’s beautiful prince.
And the princess is no longer the same. Over time, a woman succumbs to this influence, no, no, and she becomes thoughtful: “But really, where will I go? Who else can I find? It’s bad here, but will I feel better? ” And it’s okay if she sees advantages in such a way of life, explaining her husband’s behavior with great love and is even pleased with something. But at the same time she stops taking care of herself, loving herself.
And then she invariably realizes that she has an unhappy marriage (for example, having found out that her husband is cheating on her) and clings to him because she is afraid to decide on a divorce, she is afraid not to cope. In the end, afraid to stay alone until the end of life. But one should never forget that our life is not a rehearsal before a big performance: we are building our own destiny, right now, at this moment, in truth, and no one will give us a chance to replay everything in a new way.
My now ex-husband is Yuri Armenian. I tried my best to follow national traditions. But I could not get rid of the feeling that he was trying in every possible way to suppress me as a person. Intentionally or not, he instilled in me a huge number of complexes that prevented me from living. And in fact, so do many men, regardless of their nationality.
Yura suppressed me, not inspired me. He was looking for a catch in everything, he did not believe in me. When I was invited to the show "Brutal Games", he said: "It seems that all these laurels are given to you because you slept with someone." No matter how strong I was, I also wanted support from my husband in important life situations. And I didn’t even have any friends of men - being married, I didn’t start them so as not to annoy my husband.
When I decided to divorce, of course, I wondered if I could go through divorce and loneliness.
It seemed to me that if I left Yura now, I would immediately lose my job, I would not be interested in anyone, I would be miserable.
But after all, I was already miserable, depressed - this was striking to my friends and acquaintances. According to them, I was a poor girl who everyone wanted to regret.
Many women are afraid to leave their husband for financial reasons - they are financially dependent. I, fortunately, did not have such a problem. But I was also afraid of the consequences. And then I remembered that after all I am a self-sufficient person. Before marriage, I did not have a rich father, I achieved everything myself, built my career without help.
Having divorced, I have never regretted my decision. When Yura and I began to live separately, I felt much better. Now I do not have scandals in the family, which in itself makes my life easier. I have taken this step, although it is difficult.
Man is the navigator of his destiny, and I am for happiness! I want to see next to me a person with whom I would be comfortable. I believe that I will find this.
After a divorce is not so easy to recover. I now try to find happiness within myself, working on it. When I was divorced, I didn’t even have time to think about everything properly. At that time I made a lot of commitments: interviews, photo shoots, airs at Dancing with the Stars, rehearsals, projects. I maximally loaded myself with work and a child. It helped me survive the divorce. I think I was lucky.
To go to any vital step - from a divorce and ending with a decision to radically change yourself, lose weight and become a different person - you need confidence that everything will work out.
Self-confidence is mostly formed in childhood. That's how it was with me.
My parents divorced, and when my mother got married again, I was five years old.
She moved to Italy with a new husband, an architect by profession. I do not blame her for leaving me in Moscow. She had to be torn between a loved one and a daughter. She wanted to take me to Italy, but in Soviet times, to take the child abroad, until he was eleven, was unreal. She herself was difficult to leave - she had to stand in kilometer-long queues for a visa, undergo a bunch of bureaucratic procedures. And when the USSR collapsed and I could already move in with my mom, it was hard for me to drop everything here. I studied in a Moscow school, was tied to Moscow and to my grandmother, who raised me.
I did not have a brother or an older sister, but my grandmother and grandfather constantly worked, so I had to defend my rights myself in front of teachers and teachers, both at school and at the institute.
I remember one case. Since my mother lived in Italy, she brought me high-quality European clothes, beautiful pencil cases, pens, and so on. I first had a Barbie and Tamagotchi doll. And when the school uniforms were canceled and everyone began to dress as they want or can, the contrast between my clothes and the clothes of other children from the Children's World was noticeable. Children are not embarrassed. But teachers did not like aggressively.
One day the teacher put me in front of the whole class and asked: “Children, look, she is the best dressed, isn't that a sign of disrespect for you?” I was terribly upset! After all, I did not show off, dressing like that. When mom left for another country, she wanted to compensate for her absence with at least gifts. I was pleased to wear the clothes she sent me, to play the toys she bought for me in Italy. These little things were dear to me, I wanted to have them nearby.
Understanding that "I can", I have since childhood. I will tell the teacher, I'll get my way, divorce, if unhappy, lose weight. This sense of self must be cultivated in oneself. It is important to be strong, courageous, confident.
I told the teacher everything I thought. She said it was mean to humiliate all children by telling them how they are dressed. And that although she is a teacher and she has a small salary, she should not be so envious. I began to speak, and it was impossible to stop me.
I said that you need to teach good, to love your work and the people with whom you are near.
After that, they did not take me to the tenth grade, motivating the decision by the fact that I was allegedly misbehaving. I behaved quite well, my classmates treated me well, I participated in school scenes, I was artistic, I studied well. The real reason for refusing to teach me further was the rebuke I gave to the teacher.
My mother gave me to a private lyceum named after Pushkin. There children studied, whose parents had other material capabilities. There I was not so distinguished for their clothes. And there were ten lessons, parties, discos, theater group. I successfully studied for three years and entered immediately to the second year of the institute.
Of course, it is pleasant to every woman to appear weak, trust a man, relax. However, I myself solve my problems - financial and others. When I start a relationship with a man, I really don't let him take care of myself - I immediately feel obligated. It seems to me that I put him in an awkward position, and that he will not cope. Many men, including my ex-husband, say that I am a “man.” It offends me, of course. I want to overcome my fear and be able to trust a man.
But I know for sure that you need to be strong, and with a man to pretend that I am weak. Weak women, it is important to first become strong, and then learn this game. If you immediately show your weakness, it will be easy for a man to bend a woman under her and make her family have no rights.
Divorce, like losing weight, is not a panacea for all ills. Relationships are a difficult thing, you definitely need to work on them, but only when there is love. And we sometimes confuse it with ordinary affection, sympathy, sexual attraction, in the end. So if you are unhappy in marriage, then you need to leave. And no matter how old you are - 20 or 45.
Remember: life is one, and you have to live it happily, not patiently.
Otherwise, one day, when you are 70 years old, you will look back and realize with bitterness: things could be different. But you will not have the benefits that are now - youth and the ability to change everything.
Youth, as a wise man once said, is a flaw that passes quickly.
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