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I was losing weight in vain
The readers of this book may have a quite natural question: "Here you are, Xenia Borodina, became a caring mother and exemplary wife, lost weight and began to look great. So why did not family life develop? It turns out that all your efforts were in vain? "I would like to give a detailed answer to this question.
Indeed, recently I divorced my husband. We really did not manage to save the family. But my work on myself was not in vain. My husband and I decided to leave, because they did not fit together. In a battered, seemingly explanation, suitable for all time and for all unhappy marriages - "did not agree with the characters" - in fact, there is true truth.
When a man achieves the attention of a woman, he tries to please her, spoil her. His main task is to have the woman next to him. Here he reached this goal. And instead of continuing to wear it in her arms, she reduces her self-esteem, suggesting that she does not need anyone at all except him. From yesterday's beautiful prince does not remain a trace.
And the princess is not the same. Over time, the woman succumbs to this influence, no, no, and thinks: "And really, where will I go? Who else will I find? It's bad here, but will it be better for me? ". And all right, if she sees in this way of life the pros, explaining the behavior of her husband with great love, and something even happy. But at the same time she ceases to take care of herself, to love herself.
And then she invariably understands that she has an unhappy marriage (for example, having found out that her husband is cheating on her) and is holding on to him because she is afraid to decide to divorce, she is afraid not to cope. In the end, afraid to remain alone until the end of life. But we must never forget that our life is not a rehearsal before a big performance: we are building our own destiny ourselves, right now, at this moment, in fact, and no one will give us a chance to re-do everything in a new way.
My now-ex-husband Yuri is an Armenian. I struggled to follow national traditions. But I could not get rid of the feeling that he was trying to suppress me in every possible way as a person. Intentionally or not, he instilled into me a huge number of complexes that prevented me from living. And that's what many men do, regardless of their nationality.
Yura suppressed me, but did not inspire me. He was looking for a dirty trick in everything, he did not believe in me. When I was invited to the show "Cruel Games", he said: "It seems that all these laurels are given to you because you slept with someone." No matter how strong I was, I also wanted support from my husband in important life situations. And I did not even have any friends with men - being married, I did not start them, so as not to anger my husband.
When I decided to divorce, then, of course, wondered if I could go through divorce and loneliness.
It seemed to me that if I now leave Yura, then immediately lose my job, I will not interest anyone, I will be unhappy.
But after all, I was already unhappy, depressed - this was evident to my friends and acquaintances. In their opinion, I was a poor girl, who everyone wanted to regret.
Many women are afraid to leave her husband for financial reasons - they are financially dependent. I, fortunately, had no such problem. But I was also afraid of the consequences. And then I remembered that I was a self-sufficient person. Before the marriage, I did not have a rich father, I did everything myself, I built my career without help.
Having divorced, I never regretted that I had made up my mind. When I began to live separately with Jura, I felt much better. Now I do not have scandals in the family, which in itself makes my life easier. I took this step, although it is difficult.
Man is the navigator of his destiny, and I am for happiness! I want to see a person next to me with whom I would be comfortable. I believe that I will find one.
After the divorce is not so easy to recover. I now try to find happiness within myself, working on it. When I got divorced, I did not even have time to think about everything. At that time, I took on a lot of obligations: interviews, photo sessions, broadcasts on "Dancing with the Stars", rehearsals, projects. I have uploaded myself to work and the child to the maximum. It helped me survive the divorce. I think I was lucky.
To go to any vital step - from divorce and ending, to cardinally change yourself, lose weight and become a different person - we need confidence that everything will turn out.
Self-confidence for the most part is formed in childhood. That's how it was with me.
My parents divorced, and when my mother remarried, I was five years old.
She moved with her new husband, an architect by profession, to Italy. I do not blame her for leaving me in Moscow. She had to tear herself between her beloved and her daughter. She wanted to take me to Italy, but in Soviet times to take the child abroad, until he was eleven years old, it was unreal. It was difficult for her to leave either - for a visa she had to stand in kilometer queues, to undergo a bunch of bureaucratic procedures. And when the USSR collapsed and I could already move to my mother, it was hard for me to quit everything here. I studied at a Moscow school, was attached to Moscow and to my grandmother, who brought me up.
I did not have a brother or an older sister, and my grandmother and grandfather worked all the time, so I had to defend my rights independently before the teachers and teachers, at school and at the institute.
I remember one case. Since my mother lived in Italy, she brought me high-quality European clothes, beautiful pencil cases, pens and so on. My first doll was Barbie and Tamagotchi. And when in school they canceled the uniform and everyone started dressing the way they want or can, the contrast between my clothes and the clothes of other children from the "Children's World" was noticeable. This did not bother the children. But the teachers did not like it aggressively.
Once the teacher put me in front of the whole class and asked: "Children, look, she is best dressed, is not this a disrespect to you?" I was terribly upset! I did not show off dressing like that. When my mother left for another country, she wanted to compensate her absence with gifts. I was pleased to wear the clothes she sent, play the toys that she bought for me in Italy. These little things were dear to me, I wanted to have them around.
Understanding that "I can", I have from childhood. I'll tell the teacher, I'll get it, I'll divorce, if I'm unhappy, I'll lose weight. This self-awareness must be educated in yourself. It is important to be strong, bold, confident
I told the teacher everything I thought. She said it was mean to humiliate all the children, telling them how they were dressed. And that although she is a teacher and she has a small salary, she should not be so envious. I started talking, and it was impossible to stop me.
I said that you need to teach good, to love your work and the people with whom you are next.
After that, I was not taken to the tenth grade, motivating the decision by the fact that I allegedly behaved badly. I behaved quite well, my classmates were good to me, I participated in school sketches, was artistic, I was not bad at school. The true reason for refusing to teach me further was a rebuke, which I gave to the teacher.
Mom gave me to a private school-lyceum named after Pushkin. There they studied children whose parents had other material possibilities. There I was not so distinguished with my clothes. And there were ten lessons, parties, discos, a theater circle. I successfully studied for three years and entered immediately to the second year of the institute.
Of course, every woman is pleased to seem weak, trust the man, relax. However, I myself solve my problems - financial and others. When I start a relationship with a man, I really do not let him take care of myself - I immediately feel obligated. It seems to me that I put him in an awkward position, and that he will not cope. Many men, including my ex-husband, say that I am a "man". It offends me, of course. I want to overcome my fear and be able to trust a man.
But I know for sure that you need to be strong, and with a man pretend that I'm weak. It is important for weak women to first become strong, and then learn this game. If you immediately show your weakness, it will be easy for a man to tamper with a woman and make sure that she does not have any rights in her family.
Divorce, like losing weight, is not a panacea for all ills. Relationships are a difficult thing, you have to work on them, but only when there is love. And we sometimes confuse it with ordinary affection, sympathy, sexual attraction, after all. So if you are unhappy in a marriage, then you need to leave. It does not matter how old you are - 20 or 45.
Remember: life is one, and you need to live it happily, not patiently.
Otherwise, one day, when you are 70, you will look back and you will understand with bitterness: everything could be different. But you will not have the advantages that are right now - youth and the opportunity to change everything.
Youth, as one wise man once said, is a shortcoming that quickly passes.
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I was losing weight in vain
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